Men’s issues are rarely spoken about. If put in the open, they’re often not taken seriously or even made fun of. On top of that, they’re evolving.
What worked in the past is outdated. A few decades ago, the primary role of a man was to provide and protect. Now there’s role confusion.
As a therapist for men’s issues in San Diego and a telehealth therapist, I often see this pattern: even if a man is checking off all the boxes, there’s still a feeling that prevails…it’s still not enough.
Read MoreEveryone wants better life situations.
In our bones we feel the tension from where we are to where we want to be.
In the space from where we are to where we want to be, there’s one piece missing containing two ingredients: directed energy. Without increasing your directed energy, your life can’t change its trajectory.
Directed energy is like a car. Energy is the motor, direction is the steering wheel. You can still drive if you have a partially working motor or steering wheel—but if you want to get to your desired destination, both must be fully operational.
Read MoreThe way we speak about ourselves quietly shapes the way we live.
We toss off phrases like, “I’ve got anxiety,” “I’ll never be able to afford a house,” or “I’m not a morning person,” without a second thought. They might feel honest, even factual. But are they aligned with the future we’re trying to create?
Language is more than expression—it’s direction. We tend to live into the truths we repeat most often, especially when they begin with “I.” The stories we speak become the filters through which we see ourselves, our choices, and our possibilities.
Even a gentle reframe can open a new emotional window.
Read MoreIn lower consciousness, you react.
In moderate consciousness, you respond.
In higher consciousness, you rehearse.
To flow in the highest stage of consciousness, I’ll share a secret from Michael Phelps, winner of an unprecedented twenty-three Olympic gold medals. When I heard the aftermath of a particular race at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Summer Games, I was mesmerized.
Read MoreI’m curious, is it important for you to live with integrity to yourself?
And if so, what does it mean to live a life—no, rather, moment-to-moment—with integrity to yourself?
I’m curious, who would you be if that obstacle wasn’t in the way? who would you be if you were nurtured in the way you needed to be?
And if so, who’s to say you can’t be that version of yourself, now?
Read MoreCourage can’t exist without the presence of fear; therefore choosing courage is vital to your soul’s well-being. In choosing courage, you confront the fears preventing you from your fullest expression of aliveness. Without facing fear, you’re not only subject to experiencing a life of “what if’s” and likely, regrets, but life also becomes defensive. Instead of choosing what you truly want, you’re unconsciously choosing what may feel like it hurts the least. While that may work for you right now, long term it creates more pain. Here’s an additional bit of wisdom: if you don’t actively take steps of courage, if you merely maintain the status quo, your soul entropically collapses.
Read MoreIn childhood, have you successfully overcome adversity? Meaning, when it came to sink or swim, you learned to swim? Or more often, out of a survival imperative, you didn’t even think about it…you just acted.
At some point in life, we all have faced circumstances we weren’t yet emotionally and physically developed for. We experienced abandonment. We experienced grief. We experienced trauma. But for many of us, without the help of a parent, we also figured out how to deal with it. Naturally, these moments we’ve built the pre-pubescent emotional muscles to overcome our adversity feels like our superpower.
Read MoreWhen working with schemas, which are the unhealthy + unconscious lenses we wear on the world, we reverse engineer reality.
What does that mean?
I work with my clients on first assessing what their worldview is—which, once again is unconscious—then seeing how the belief was developed. You know the problem though? We actually have a hard time understanding what our worldview is. But once identified and analyzed, we see what’s not working, what we’ve previously tried and are currently trying to fix things, and then bring in reality.
Read MoreDid you know your brain is addicted to asking itself one question? The wrong question?
Like a dog barking at a firetruck, your brain can’t help itself. It’s been conditioned. You see—your brain is addicted to feeling comfortable. It’s designed that way. It’s designed to want to exert minimal strain (effort) to achieve maximum dopamine rushes (rewards).
So what does your brain ask itself? What comfortable question do you need to deprogram?
Read MoreWe are living in an age of poor values, capricious words, and large egos. People aren’t as sure as to what they stand for, therefore, there’s no wonder there’s an incongruence between words and actions. With a lack of character, you know how people are defining themselves?
INTENTIONS.
Most of the time, these intentions are good as well. However, how many times have you become harmed by someone’s “good” intentions?
So what do you do? In a crazy age, how do you take the confusion out of relationships? It’s actually pretty simple: just look at actions.
Read MoreI'm featured on EnergyMatters Podcast, chatting all things consciousness and Schema Therapy (including personality traits, emotional wounds, and the lenses we wear). Take a listen—it was fun!
Read MoreDating has gotten complex to say the least. And while there’s never a simple solution to complex issues, I’ll propose a starting place: I’d like to clarify Values vs. Preferences. Especially in Western society, it’s culturally validated to treat dates, relationships, and marriages according to desired preferences as opposed to inherent values.
Read MoreValue (n): the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
Preference (n): a greater liking for one alternative over another or others.
Have you heard of, ‘black-and-white,’ ‘all-or-nothing,’ or ‘always-or-never,’ type thinking?
Of course you have.
Did you know that the more pressure you feel, the more it seems like your options decrease? And when you have those black-and-white options, you’re stressed. Neither will sound appetizing. Actually, they’ll make you want to throw up. They might look something like this:
Read MoreIsn’t it hard to find truly positive people these days? And I’m not talking about the polyanna-ish type of person who could have a dog bite their ear off and respond with a grin, “Good thing I have two of them.” (That type of person likely has a hidden negativity schema, of which I’ll get to later).
Negativity is a tough schema to shake. It’s contagious. And likely, we don’t know the extent of our negativity. If you constantly defend yourself with, “Hey, I’m just a realist,” you might have a negativity schema.
Hey, don’t get mad at me; I’m just being realistic.
Read MoreBoundaries and identity complement one another. Better knowing yourself allows you to set healthily boundaries; setting healthier boundaries allows you to know your true self.
· Decreased stress and insecurity
· Increased energy and confidence
Read MoreWhen asking a couple what they want to achieve in therapy, you know what the #1 answer is? Communication. It’s often said, “This person never communicates to me.” But here’s the thing. We’re always communicating. Always.
The text you don’t send; the eye contact you’ve chosen to avoid; the time you choose to not express your thoughts. That’s all a message that you’re communicating to someone else.
Read MoreIn my previous blog, I said that it’s vital that you have a vision of your true identity. And while I’d never shoot down your lunar dreams, I also want to do a caution with identity. It’s completely human to set unrealistic goals for yourself. So as you begin to hone in on experiencing your authentic identity, I want to give you tips. You’ve got to keep things, 1) small, 2) consistent, and 3) sustainable.
These words are not sexy.
I get it.
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