Your Terracotta Moment | San Diego Therapy

Have you ever repotted a plant?
It’s an odd little ritual.

Sometimes the roots slip right out—clean, easy, cooperative.
But other times, the plant’s withered fingers grasp the pot’s interior for dear life. You must pre-water the soil, pry gently along the edges, coaxing it loose. Eventually, you cup the plant’s wispy buttocks and lift—presenting it to the world like a baby Simba. (At least, that’s how I do it.)

The contrast is apparent.
Above soil: vibrant greenery, stretching toward the light.
Below: a web of roots, tangled and clumped dusty computer cables.
The plant looks alive and wants to expand, but there’s literally no room for growth. It’s been stuck—unable to grow—perhaps for a long time.

Therapy for Men in San Diego | Anxiety, Burnout & Identity Work

Men’s issues are rarely spoken about. If put in the open, they’re often not taken seriously or even made fun of. On top of that, they’re evolving.

What worked in the past is outdated. A few decades ago, the primary role of a man was to provide and protect. Now there’s role confusion.

As a therapist for men’s issues in San Diego and a telehealth therapist, I often see this pattern: even if a man is checking off all the boxes, there’s still a feeling that prevails…it’s still not enough.

Tired? Exhausted? Hopeless? Restructure Your Internal Organization

Does it feel like the world is getting a little crazier? Is it hard to keep up?

These days, everything has been changing: dating and relationships, family structures, work industries, living arrangements, social activities, politics, etc. While some changes are beneficial—people are becoming more empowered, adventurous, efficient, bold, creative, well-rounded, and integrated—they don’t come without a cost. You’re also not alone if changes are leaving you overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, confused—even sad, alone, and hopeless.

If this is resonating with you, you’re not only not the only one. I can safely give structure to your well-being and mental health. You game?

Boundaries, consciousness, anxiety, identityDan LoneySeptember 25, 2022tired, exhaustedComment

The Problem with Overcoming Adversity

In childhood, have you successfully overcome adversity? Meaning, when it came to sink or swim, you learned to swim? Or more often, out of a survival imperative, you didn’t even think about it…you just acted.

At some point in life, we all have faced circumstances we weren’t yet emotionally and physically developed for. We experienced abandonment. We experienced grief. We experienced trauma. But for many of us, without the help of a parent, we also figured out how to deal with it. Naturally, these moments we’ve built the pre-pubescent emotional muscles to overcome our adversity feels like our superpower.

anxiety, trauma, schema, schema therapyDan LoneyApril 11, 2021superpower, adversity, trauma

Narratives are Powerful

Where do narratives come from?

They come from family. From place of birth. From culture. From country. From media outlets and teachers.

You know what’s scary about a narrative?

They are EXTREMELY hard to escape. When we come to believe a narrative, we’ll use “confirmation bias” to selectively choose information to give power to the narrative.

identity, anxiety, consciousnessDan LoneyOctober 17, 2020

Dealing with Fear and Anxiety During COVID-19

Fear and anxiety are rampant right now, and with good reason. Something I’ve noticed is that due to COVID-19, every one of my clients has been affected in differently. My good friend David Gandelman, a spiritual teacher and host of the Energy Matters Podcast/Grounded Sleep Podcast, asked me to speak on how to deal with Fear and Anxiety during this time.

We maxed out on 100 participants in the first minute, but here’s the video replay: https://www.davidgandelman.com/Healing-Fear-Anixety

anxietyDan LoneyMarch 23, 2020fear, anxiety, covid-19, david gandelman

Want to Reduce Your Anxiety? Part II: Separate Your Thoughts & Feelings

So you know the classic therapist question? Personally, it is one that I loathe. You know the question, right?

“And how did that make you feel?”

Despite my disdain, there’s a reason why as a therapist, the “And how did that make you feel?” is still the #1 arrow in my questioning-bow.

anxiety, identityDan LoneyJune 3, 2019differentiation, bowen, anxietyComment

Want to Reduce Your Anxiety? Part I: Try "I Statements"

Have you ever stood next to someone who has enough anxiety they look like a tea kettle before it starts screaming? Heck, you don’t even have to be next to them. You can feel a person’s anxiety across a room. And what happens when you feel their anxiety? Yes, now you get their anxiety.

Anxiety is like hot potato. It gets passed from one person to the next. It’s an unconscious, invisible force. But I also want to point out a misconception with anxiety: everyone has it. All anxiety means is ‘nervousness about the future.’

identity, anxietyDan LoneyMay 27, 2019anxiety, bowen, differentiation

How to Set Healthy Boundaries – Part 1 (Awareness) | Therapy in San Diego

When asking a couple what they want to achieve in therapy, you know what the #1 answer is? Communication. It’s often said, “This person never communicates to me.” But here’s the thing. We’re always communicating. Always.

The text you don’t send; the eye contact you’ve chosen to avoid; the time you choose to not express your thoughts. That’s all a message that you’re communicating to someone else.

3 Steps To Building Your Identity | Therapy in San Diego

In my previous blog, I said that it’s vital that you have a vision of your true identity. And while I’d never shoot down your lunar dreams, I also want to do a caution with identity. It’s completely human to set unrealistic goals for yourself. So as you begin to hone in on experiencing your authentic identity, I want to give you tips. You’ve got to keep things, 1) small, 2) consistent, and 3) sustainable.

These words are not sexy.

I get it.

Dan’s Blog

“And how did that make you feel?”