Posts in identity
Your Terracotta Moment | San Diego Therapy

Have you ever repotted a plant?
It’s an odd little ritual.

Sometimes the roots slip right out—clean, easy, cooperative.
But other times, the plant’s withered fingers grasp the pot’s interior for dear life. You must pre-water the soil, pry gently along the edges, coaxing it loose. Eventually, you cup the plant’s wispy buttocks and lift—presenting it to the world like a baby Simba. (At least, that’s how I do it.)

The contrast is apparent.
Above soil: vibrant greenery, stretching toward the light.
Below: a web of roots, tangled and clumped dusty computer cables.
The plant looks alive and wants to expand, but there’s literally no room for growth. It’s been stuck—unable to grow—perhaps for a long time.

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Therapy for Men in San Diego | Anxiety, Burnout & Identity Work

Men’s issues are rarely spoken about. If put in the open, they’re often not taken seriously or even made fun of. On top of that, they’re evolving.

What worked in the past is outdated. A few decades ago, the primary role of a man was to provide and protect. Now there’s role confusion.  

As a therapist for men’s issues in San Diego and a telehealth therapist, I often see this pattern: even if a man is checking off all the boxes, there’s still a feeling that prevails…it’s still not enough.

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Directed Energy: Part I | San Diego Therapy

Everyone wants better life situations.

In our bones we feel the tension from where we are to where we want to be.

In the space from where we are to where we want to be, there’s one piece missing containing two ingredients: directed energy. Without increasing your directed energy, your life can’t change its trajectory.

Directed energy is like a car. Energy is the motor, direction is the steering wheel. You can still drive if you have a partially working motor or steering wheel—but if you want to get to your desired destination, both must be fully operational.

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What Future Will You Choose to Rehearse? | San Diego Therapy

In lower consciousness, you react

In moderate consciousness, you respond.

In higher consciousness, you rehearse.

 To flow in the highest stage of consciousness, I’ll share a secret from Michael Phelps, winner of an unprecedented twenty-three Olympic gold medals. When I heard the aftermath of a particular race at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Summer Games, I was mesmerized.

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Be in Courage | Therapy in San Diego

Courage can’t exist without the presence of fear; therefore choosing courage is vital to your soul’s well-being. In choosing courage, you confront the fears preventing you from your fullest expression of aliveness. Without facing fear, you’re not only subject to experiencing a life of “what if’s” and likely, regrets, but life also becomes defensive. Instead of choosing what you truly want, you’re unconsciously choosing what may feel like it hurts the least. While that may work for you right now, long term it creates more pain. Here’s an additional bit of wisdom: if you don’t actively take steps of courage, if you merely maintain the status quo, your soul entropically collapses.

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Ready for Your Quantum Leap?!

Is it fair to say your life is comprised of the decisions you’ve made? While life has all dealt us a different hand, the decisions we make matter.

Sometimes decisions appear inconsequential, like whether you chose to drink the full cup of coffee or left half of it. There are medium-sized decisions: do I choose a new exercise routine, not contact the summer fling back, or ask my manager for hours more conducive to my lifestyle? Sometimes the life-defining are obvious: do I stick out the marriage or end it? Do I stay in the same city or relocate?

Whether or not we realize it, we’re always making important decisions.

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How to Be Happier

We often make life harder than it has to be. We self-sabotage healthy choices and give energy to unhealthy choices—sometimes unknowingly but sometimes, we’ve got a clue. We trap ourselves in invisible cages.

| You might know you need to put up a boundary but feel like you can’t.

| You might meet a healthy partner but spend energy around an unhealthy one.

| You might have potential in an area but put off pursuing it.

Easy choices = a hard life. Hard choices = an easy life.

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Tired? Exhausted? Hopeless? Restructure Your Internal Organization

Does it feel like the world is getting a little crazier? Is it hard to keep up?

These days, everything has been changing: dating and relationships, family structures, work industries, living arrangements, social activities, politics, etc. While some changes are beneficial—people are becoming more empowered, adventurous, efficient, bold, creative, well-rounded, and integrated—they don’t come without a cost. You’re also not alone if changes are leaving you overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, confused—even sad, alone, and hopeless.

If this is resonating with you, you’re not only not the only one. I can safely give structure to your well-being and mental health. You game?

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The Imaginal Podcast: Discovering an Even Truer You

In today's episode, Dan Loney offers fresh perspectives and navigable pathways to finding an even truer version of yourself. While that could sound at times like a catch phrase, Dan brings illustrative examples as he tangibly explains why this is so meaningful. He also brings charm and depth to topics that could otherwise seem too familiar.

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Narratives are Powerful

Where do narratives come from?

They come from family. From place of birth. From culture. From country. From media outlets and teachers.

You know what’s scary about a narrative?

They are EXTREMELY hard to escape. When we come to believe a narrative, we’ll use “confirmation bias” to selectively choose information to give power to the narrative.

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Nine Prompts For Journaling

Journaling.

This is the topic that invokes fear in the greatest of humans.

This is the homework therapists love to assign and clients love to pretend they’ve done.

People like the idea of journaling. They know the benefits of journaling. They hate the practice of journaling.

Therefore, I’m not going to tell you to journal. I’m not going to tell you the benefits of journaling. I’m just going to give you 9 journal prompts. You can decide where to take this. And fine, I’ll give you one-gigantic reason to start journaling.

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Reverse Engineer Your Life

When working with schemas, which are the unhealthy + unconscious lenses we wear on the world, we reverse engineer reality.

What does that mean?

I work with my clients on first assessing what their worldview is—which, once again is unconscious—then seeing how the belief was developed. You know the problem though? We actually have a hard time understanding what our worldview is. But once identified and analyzed, we see what’s not working, what we’ve previously tried and are currently trying to fix things, and then bring in reality.

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schema therapy, identityDan Loney
Social Media and Relationships | Couples Therapy San Diego

In this blog, I’m going to give you some perspective on how social media is subtly changing us individually and relationally, as well as a few healthy steps we can take in these changing times.

First, for some perspective.

Did you know that with each notification ping, flash, and buzz, the feel-good chemical of dopamine is released in your brain? Dopamine is a reward signaling that we’ve accomplished something. It helps us relax. It’s why social media is addictive; we are not accomplishing anything and receiving the good effects of it. This isn’t by accident—each part of social media has been programmed to make you stick around.

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Want to Reduce Your Anxiety? Part I: Try "I Statements"

Have you ever stood next to someone who has enough anxiety they look like a tea kettle before it starts screaming? Heck, you don’t even have to be next to them. You can feel a person’s anxiety across a room. And what happens when you feel their anxiety? Yes, now you get their anxiety.  

Anxiety is like hot potato. It gets passed from one person to the next. It’s an unconscious, invisible force. But I also want to point out a misconception with anxiety: everyone has it. All anxiety means is ‘nervousness about the future.’

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How to Set Healthy Boundaries - Part II (Identity) | San Diego Therapy

Boundaries and identity complement one another. Better knowing yourself allows you to set healthily boundaries; setting healthier boundaries allows you to know your true self.

·      Decreased stress and insecurity

·      Increased energy and confidence

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