Navigating Healthy Relationships in Modern Times | San Diego Couples Therapist

People commonly date a partner based on preferences. A range of height and build. A shared love of sushi, acoustic playlists, or Sunday farmer’s markets. Preferences create comfort.

Go one layer deeper and we meet values—religion, work ethic, health, wellness. Shared values create stability.

In the past, comfort + stability was enough.
But not anymore.

consciousness, dating, couples therapy, relationships, spiral dynamics, unstuckDan LoneyDecember 8, 2025dating, relationships, attachment, San Diego Couples TherapyComment

Relational Polarity is Relational Intimacy | San Diego Couples Therapy

We live from our set of values. Like grooves on a record, after enough spins, we struggle to imagine how anyone could live by another song—another code.

In relationships, both people are playing their own record. This difference in rhythm can either heal us or break us.

We often think, if only my partner understood how I operate, we’d get along better.

But it’s precisely this polarity that fuels intimacy.

attachment, couples therapy, dating, consciousness, emotionally focused, unstuckDan LoneyOctober 27, 2025emotionally focused therapy, San Diego Couples TherapyComment

Directed Energy: Part I | San Diego Therapy

Everyone wants better life situations.

In our bones we feel the tension from where we are to where we want to be.

In the space from where we are to where we want to be, there’s one piece missing containing two ingredients: directed energy. Without increasing your directed energy, your life can’t change its trajectory.

Directed energy is like a car. Energy is the motor, direction is the steering wheel. You can still drive if you have a partially working motor or steering wheel—but if you want to get to your desired destination, both must be fully operational.

consciousness, couples therapy, eft, identity, internal family systems, San Diego Couples Therapy, schema therapy, spiral dynamics, unstuckDan LoneyAugust 29, 2025San Diego Couples Therapy, San Diego Individual Therapy, internal family systems, schema therapyComment

Speak as the Person You’re Becoming | San Diego Therapy

The way we speak about ourselves quietly shapes the way we live.

We toss off phrases like, “I’ve got anxiety,” “I’ll never be able to afford a house,” or “I’m not a morning person,” without a second thought. They might feel honest, even factual. But are they aligned with the future we’re trying to create?

Language is more than expression—it’s direction. We tend to live into the truths we repeat most often, especially when they begin with “I.” The stories we speak become the filters through which we see ourselves, our choices, and our possibilities.

Even a gentle reframe can open a new emotional window.

consciousness, Boundaries, attachment, couples therapy, emotionally focused, San Diego Couples Therapy, schema therapy, self-esteemDan LoneyJuly 31, 2025identity, San Diego Individual Therapy, San Diego Couples Therapy, self-esteem, boundariesComment

What Future Will You Choose to Rehearse? | San Diego Therapy

In lower consciousness, you react.
In moderate consciousness, you respond.
In higher consciousness, you rehearse.

To flow in the highest stage of consciousness, I’ll share a secret from Michael Phelps, winner of an unprecedented twenty-three Olympic gold medals. When I heard the aftermath of a particular race at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Summer Games, I was mesmerized.